Thursday, 10 June 2010

Dilemma...

I'm going back to work in 2 weeks.
When I say work - I mean the job I'm trained for. The one that brings in money.
I'm not unhappy about this, it was totally my decision. C's business just about keeps us afloat - most of the time, and I don't kid when I say the sales from 'A Love That Makes Life Drunk' will never make me anything, but it's not about the money.
So, coming to the end of 'Hope & Jump', I think, I've been doing this for almost 15 months without a break - I need to get out there and talk to adults. I need to see people. I need breath fresh air.

But now the date is getting closer I'm not sure I want to leave my desk.
For the past 15 months I've been forcefully telling C that writing IS my job, and that when the boys are at nursery and I have those days to myself, I'm not doing lunch, or shopping, I'm slogging away at a laptop to get a book finished that I hope people will want to read.
But I cannot get it out of my head that I don't get paid for it - I blame my work ethic for this - and Amazon for their hefty selling costs!

But I will always write. I tell myself in comfort that I have already written over 30 "novels" most of which will never surface from our attic. I wrote through school, university, full time work, maternity and part time work, to now.
I write because I cannot help it. It's compulsive. It will never go away, and so I know going back to my "paid" job will not stop a little thing like my imagination.
But even so, it was a dilemma.

Thanks for dropping by,
Karen
X

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